keninabu!

Huge Relief

It's a huge relief to feel alright right now.

For one, the inner Gordian knot of emotions has been cut: I went to this meditation thing last night at Bright Hill Temple. The night before, as you might have seen on this blog, it was total hell: I didn't sleep much, maybe 3 hours, and the whole night was like a giant long nightmare full of tears, accusations and emotional turmoil. Consequently yesterday was also hellish at work, as the lack of sleep played tricks on my emotions. I was also feeling a little narcoleptic: I'd fall asleep and realize that I had typed something halfway, for example.

The meditation session was about Vipassana (but not in the tradition taught by Goenkaji, which is the link's tradition). It comes from similar roots as Goenkaji's teachings.

We are at the beginning stage where we first teach our mind to calm down sufficiently, to be able to observe our internal phenomena. Instead of choosing breath as a meditation object, we used metta bhavana or loving kindness meditation to ease our mind, and to focus ourselves.

It was so therapeutic to go there and sit, to listen to stuff which I had learned before but forgotten, and to practice meditation methods which I had forgotten and which I had allowed to lapse.

After the session, it felt like my back was going to break, but I also felt a huge relief, like my mind was a lot clearer, cleaner and calmer.

And I was able to let go, then. And I'm feeling a lot happier about it as well, even though I do miss hanging out with her.

posted by keninabu @ 8:32 PM