keninabu!

Chick Rock

"Boy, all it needs to be is to be sung by a chick, and it qualifies as 'chick rock' ", said John.

John's an artist, and very pro-chick rock: in fact, that is all that he listens to. There's something liberating, I guess, about listening to music with lyrics that are reflective, soulful, and not always going on about how she's my woman, or my biatch, etc. etc. bullshit like that.

I remembered that he mentioned before that he liked to listen to Ani di Franco, and I just checked her website out: she looks very cool. I'll go try her music tonight on iTunes if I can.

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Right now, I just realized there's a distinct correlation between my tiredness and depression. I get depressed when I'm tired, especially when I can't sleep and can't let go of my thoughts, or if my thoughts have been dwelling on the negative.

Right now, I'm feeling grateful to her. For a lot of things that she did to me.

She has been the single greatest influence on my life so far, and in a good way. More than anyone else, she has been someone I respect immensely, and someone whom I listened to, even through my stubborn shell. Someone who showed me things which I would have never otherwise known. Someone who loved me, and who still cares.

I guess she was feeling tied down by me, because I was giving too much, with this implicit idea of control that comes with certain types of giving: guilty as charged. And she's a free bird, a real free spirit whom I had cruelly tied down.

And the whole thing with my parents, and the psychoex, it must have been a terrific mental burden.

I think I'm beginning to understand, and with this understanding comes a certain liberation from my own attachment.

I'm glad, really, that now she's settled in, she has founded her own ecosystem of new friends and acquaintances; and she's no longer dependent on me in the same way that she used to.

This break up, it's also a good thing, in that it's forcing me to think when I had begun to take things for granted.

Thank you. I'll buy you an Ani di Franco CD for your next birthday, if I think you like the music.

posted by keninabu @ 4:20 AM