keninabu!

Apart again. But for good, probably.

It's the kind of thing that you probably do not want to happen at the end of a long and exhausting day, but it happens anyway.

To cut things short, she has done it again: broken up with me for the umpteenth time.

As of now, I am not blaming her for how she feels. I just cannot go through it again, the whole cycle.

And having broken up with me (and gotten back together) twice in four days, I am definitely a lot more circumspect now about going back together with her. I don't blame her for feeling confused, but I can't go back to her without her proving for some time that she really does want me back.

A part of me wonders if I should just love her,and support her anyway. It wonders if I should just love and support her whatever and however I can, to tide through this.

Well, that was the part that made me call her, to ask her not to tell me that she wants to break up when we can just take a time-out, and give her time alone if she needs, in our relationship. Heck, time outs are a normal part of any relationship, except for ours.

But instead, what she tells me is that no, this cannot be done. Psychologically, she needs to KNOW how it is like for her to be completely single and by herself, and for her to KNOW that she can lose me.

Essentially, she's telling me she's taking me for granted. And nobody likes that.

It's a confusing time for all, and I don't envy her.

What I've written above is just a rough sketch of what transpired, which is not totally accurate, for sure.

All I can say for sure is that I'm quite ready to move on, and to start dating other people.

posted by keninabu @ 10:27 AM