keninabu!

Sick and quite upset

I'm down with a cold, and instead of leaving the town I'm in, I'm now stuck where I will be.

Even more disheartening, I just had this really unpleasant internet exchange with a friend, an old friend of mine.

He has been the sweetest guy ever, taking care of my girl in Singapore, doing stuff for her, bringing her around etc. I am really grateful to him.

He came online to tell me about this powerful meditation experience that he had, with energy flows going throughout his body, and how overwhelming it was.

I told him that while it is nice, it isn't wise to put too much focus on it: this detracts from the meditation, and also creates craving, which hinders meditation even more.

The way he reacted took me quite by surprise, actually. He started telling me to keep my distance, to not say anything, and to tell me that my advice was unsolicited.

I tried to explain myself and my stand, but it just made things worse: he started taunting me("if you are so wise, you wouldn't have said what you just said", "you're not qualified to give me advice", and best of all, "it was like you walking into (our friend)'s restaurant and declaring that he should change his menu to have only 3 items" [note: that was three years ago]).

To which I replied "In the case of the restaurant, I agree I have nil experience running a restaurant. As for meditation, I have significantly more than nil experience. I never made claims about being wise, I just have a little bit more experience in meditation. And I wouldn't have said what I said, if we weren't old friends".

The more I tried to explain, the more he told me to shut up, and further taunted me with sentences like "the longer you engage me like this, the further you prove you are not much more advanced despite whatever experience you mention". I don't know about him, but it isn't a competition about who is more advanced: for me, it is about having the right mindset when you meditate. It is about the right technique, right approach, about getting maximum benefit from the practice.

Fact of the matter is, if for example I had a question about bodybuilding and fitness, I would have no hesitation to ask him for his advice. Even his unsolicited advice would come in very useful, for I know he has a lot more experience and knowledge in this regard than I do.

As for his meditation, it would have been enriching and interesting if we both discussed this. Instead, he was just telling me to stop, because I'm not qualified, unwise, etc.

It was saddening that he took it on a personal level, and started attacking me with his taunts. I don't really understand how it is possible for him to react, especially given that context, which is just after his meditation. Maybe he got really attached to his sensations, and started taking it personally when I told him that these sensations will pass? I can understand that he was feeling excited, because it was a new feeling, but to start feeling defensive about meditation and one's meditation experience? It is a bit ironic that his meditation has served to heighten his ego, while leaving mine not a little crushed.

The Missus has said many a time to me before "don't rationalize with me when I'm emotional". But it was quite unexpected in this case, for a friend who just finished meditating, to start becoming so emotional about it, and then to start taunting in almost no time flat.

I make no apologies for what I said. As I told him, time will tell.

This really reminds me how complicated it is to interact with people...

posted by keninabu @ 10:17 AM