keninabu!

The next step

The past few days has been quite crappy as far as productivity is concerned.

I have been running my experiments, as evidenced by the fact that at 12.30am, I am still in the lab (albeit typing this blog, but I was here from 9 to 11, then from 1pm to 6pm, and then from 9pm till 11.30 running experiments. That's a total of about 9.5 hours in the lab...).

But my mindset has been totally screwy. For one, I have not been "in the present" at all. Rather I feel stressed out, because I keep thinking about what I need to do, what I should be doing. I'm a little burnt out as well by the huge amount of work that I have to do, even while I am getting things done.

I have noticed that I get very easily affected by external measures of my performance. I then end up focusing on "what it will be like to attain these external measures, like getting a 4.0 GPA or having finished all my exams, or being able to run 4.8km within 15 minutes etc.", instead of focusing on the things that help me get these things done, like "do this homework now, write the business plan draft now, etc".

Increasingly I just wish I could finish with everything, go back and spend a month relaxing, running, eating well, sleeping well, and going out with my girlfriend in Singapore. To just recharge my batteries with her.

I have spent so much money on impulse in the last few days, one of which was a $63 purchase on Amazon of a number of books on investment, business and a preparation for the GMAT, all of which I checked are cheaper than I can get in Singapore. It's still a large sum, though, and it's not my money. Worst of all, I have a very vague recollection of when and how I bought it: it's still like a hazy dream, in my memory.

I think I desperately need proper rest. I have been going to bed restless, and waking up tired for the past week. I think the stress is getting to me, as well as the complete lack of exercise. I'm losing sight of the fun, and am making things to be a bigger deal than they actually are in my mind...

I'm going back to sleep now.

posted by keninabu @ 12:20 AM