keninabu!

F*** YOU!!! (Actually, it's F*** ME!!!)

I wonder if you have ever had a similar experience:
You are happily sharing something with a friend. Or in my case, with a number of very good friends. What you share is not very complete, just a partial snapshot of what is happening in your life and why you are thinking of certain things.

All of a sudden, you get this reply from a good friend, who isn't so tactful, telling you in a pretty condescending way (even though he prefaces his comments with the disclaimer 'these are just my two cents') what you pretty much know, in addition to telling you what seems (to you) to be completely wrong. You know he means well, but he's just SO GODDAMN SELF RIGHTEOUS.

It's annoying.

It's "damn pissing off", as an Indian friend of mine likes to say.

And while typing off an indignant reply to justify yourself, it suddenly occurs to yourself that YOU ARE EXACTLY LIKE THIS.
To your girl. To your best friend. To your other best friends. To acquaintances. To your family.

This is what your other best friends have been trying to tell you: that you like to give unsolicited opinions/advice, in a very condescending way, making snap judgements and sounding completely like an arrogant arse.

That is exactly what happened to me today, through an email exchange in which I had to justify to a whole bunch of friends who basically attacked my idea to take the CFA as being "illogical".

It reminded me that the Missus had also once said before, that she didn't like how I "talked down" sometimes.

I am such a piece of shit...

But I'm a self-cleaning piece of shit, so I'm definitely going to be conscious of this and be better at listening, and not passing judgements or giving 'advice'.

As this Buddhist nun (I think it's Tenzin Palmo, I'm not sure) said, "Most things in life have to be earned, but advice and criticism comes free, and it comes so easily!"

I'm going to keep my ears cleaned out, and not listen so much to myself or pretend that I know everything and anything.

It's a bit of a tight balance, though, learning and having the 'arrogance'/confidence to know when not to listen too much.

posted by keninabu @ 10:53 PM