keninabu!

Love

I am in love with someone.

No, not myself, but someone else.

It's a funny thing, love. As far as I can remember, I spent all my time daydreaming when I was younger, wishing I was in love with someone. I was a bore, a romantic bore who wished to spend all his time being with someone who would love him back as much as he would give.

I remembered thinking stupid thoughts to myself, like "I might look androgynous, even feminine, but deep inside there is great husband-material waiting to be shown", or "I am a very good love-theoretician: still a technical virgin, but give me the chance and I will prove myself to be the best lover (in a romantic sense, of course) you have ever had".

But overriding such stupid thoughts that came mostly during puberty, I wished there was someone who would understand me, love me almost unconditionally, and whom I am absolutely crazy about.

The older I became, the criteria for this dream princess expanded, to include an aptitude in science and mathematics together with a love for the arts and humanities, a down-to-earthness, a sincerity for helping, a sense of humour, a caring side. I need someone as all-rounded, someone who is direct to a fault.

As I told the Missus many times, I have never been in love with anyone the same way that I have been with her: it has never been this... perfect. Has been, and still is, except for the distance between us.

But the fact that the closest parallel that I can compare my current relationship to is my childish dreams of the past indicates that my dream has come true: I longed to be with a beautiful princess, with a kind heart, gorgeous, sexy, someone who is a perfect fit.

Man, do I miss her right now... living with her changed my life. I've never been happier.

How I wish I was with her right now...

To complicate things there is another girl here who looks and resembles my loved one quite a lot. I can't help looking at her, or wishing that she was around for me to look at.

But I know she is a different person. And in desiring this new person, what I am really looking for is the real McCoy, my partner, the Missus.

Why the hell do they have to look alike...? Is this some kind of warped purity test for me that someone else arranged for my benefit? If it is, I'm fucking failing it.... though not completely!

I like the picture with this blog: there is a purity to it, almost an innocence, like the sort accompanying a high school date. It is a very sweet picture, and I wish the Missus was around for me to snog her like that too... Nowadays everything is so sexually charged, love has changed from an analog of emotions into a digitalized porno. Doesn't help that "Sex and the City" perpetuates the blurring between sex and love.

Me, I am clinging on to the dream of romantic love and of the ideal. Who happens to be too far away right now, bloody hell...

posted by keninabu @ 11:11 PM