keninabu!

Return

I feel unprepared to return to school. The thought of leaving her tonight really fills me with dread... I can't stand the thought of waking up without her by my side, but that is going to happen quite soon.

What it must be like for her tomorrow, I can only imagine. She's a bit pissed off at her friends here, because they seem "unreliable" (her best friend here agreed to meet us twice, but forgot. Then again, this best friend just got a new bf, and seems to be struggling with work, bf and old friendships), and I'm a little worried for her, that she might lapse into feeling resentful at others for not immediately reciprocating her affections etc. She then ends up feeling lonely, because she doesn't feel like reaching out to others.

I'm quite worried for her, that she will feel increasingly resentful as her current semester goes on...

And I will miss her. A lot. More than I can express on this blog. Yesterday, we were watching a movie on the comp, when I stopped it halfway, and just started bawling my heart out on her sleeve. She started tearing up as well, and consoling me and telling me that things will be fine. I don't remember feeling half as sad with the other women in my life at all. Nor have I ever felt someone to be as essential to me as she is.

That's the main reason I don't feel like returning.

Yet at the same time, I can hardly wait to finish up and graduate. Get a job, work, save, become financially free by 40-50 years old through proper investments, and then free to do whatever I want to do, be it learning how to paint, or doing more meditation, or just touring and enjoying life with her.

I would like to work all my life, but at some point to stop working for money (i.e. I am financially free from having to earn an income to sustain my family's expenditure and myself).

She aspires to the same.

Right now our main priority is to be together, and then we can start planning and doing things in earnest. Her debt needs to be minimized first.

posted by keninabu @ 3:11 AM